“A Heresy Tonight”

April 1, 2015

In honor of today’s “holiday,” Dr. Steele would like to share a delightful poem by a delightful friend and professional colleague.  Please enjoy!

By: Sarah Morice Brubaker, Assistant Professor of Theology at Phillips Theological Seminary in Tulsa, OK

“A Heresy Tonight” (a parody of the song “A Comedy Tonight” from the musical “A Funny Thing Happened On The Way to the Forum” by Steven Sondheim.)

Something Sabellian, something Hegelian,

Something for everyone – a heresy tonight!

Schismatic eunuchs, bad hermeneutics,

Something for everyone – a heresy tonight!

Nothing offends, blasphemes, or shocks,

As long as you are heterodox.

Nobody bothers with the church fathers;

They’re too doctrinally uptight…

Veritas tomorrow, heresy tonight!

Something Pelagian, something New Age-ian,

Something for everyone – a heresy tonight!

Jesuit Buddhists, Gospels of Judas

Something for everyone – a heresy tonight!

Nothing of sin! Nothing from Rome!

Send all those darned inquisitors home!

Hang an acrylic painting of Tillich,

Put all your crosses out of sight…

Veritas tomorrow – heresy tonight!

Something monophysite, something you’ve prophesied,

Something for everyone – a heresy tonight!

Cathars and Lockeans, pneumatomachians

Something for everyone – a heresy tonight!

Bring in the Funk!  Bring in the Spong!

Heck, who am I to tell you you’re wrong?

Some of our best are fellows from Westar

They’re always ready for a fight…

Veritas tomorrow, heresy tonight!

Something emphatic, something schismatic

Something for everyone – a heresy tonight!

Gnostic perspectives, caustic invectives

Something for everyone – a heresy tonight!

Nothing for sure!  Nothing for shame!

What is tradition but more of the same?

Whate’er your bias, raunchy or pious,

Somebody here will think you’re right!

Docetists and Quakers! Puritans and Shakers!

Manichees and Lollards! Charlatans in collars!

Arians! Contrarians! Arminians! Jovinians!

Sects! Texts!Snakes! Stakes!

Dicta! Fichte! Reuther! Luther!

Don’t be suppressed!  Don’t be surprised!

Everyone here’s anathematized.

Old formulations, new condemnations –

Somehow, it all turns out all right!

Veritas tomorrow, heresy tonight!